Describe one positive change you have made in your life.
Do you talk to yourself? —I talk to myself. Incessantly. I think that we all do. It was a slow realization that you can be intentional about the way you talk to yourself. You talk to your friends, and the natural inclination is to be supportive, sweet, and inspiring: “You go girl!,” “That’s what’s up,” “They just don’t see your brilliance.” But I challenge you: as you move through the day and through different situations, start trying to separate your thoughts and listen to how you talk to yourself.
I first realized I talked to myself in an intake therapy session. Everybody and their mama were on YouTube and Instagram talking about how black people don’t go to therapy and that we need to do better. I was at a particular trough, so why not. She asked do you hear voices or talk to yourself? Having never been to therapy, I answered, “What do you mean? Like internally talk to me. Don’t we all talk to ourselves, like, a little bit.” She looked at me like I was crazy and said definitively, “No.” Of course, I didn’t go back; we weren’t a match, but I started thinking I heard these voices. And for the life of me, what do they say? So I started listening.
When I got home, I crawled back in bed, and it was still a sunny Saturday weekend; I rolled over and thought to myself, “I don’t feel with it,” I listened to a voice reply, “It’s alight. It’s the weekend anyway.” It was a wtf moment; I wouldn’t say that to a friend. I’d tell them to get up, stop playing, don’t let depression run them, or at least sit up and look out the window. Then I got angry. Who’s goofy ass told me it was okay to do nothing. How else was my subconscious sabotaging me?
Oh, that voice was busy. Telling me it was okay to have another glass of wine. That I didn’t need to run today. That I deserved that second piece of cake. That my current career was safe…even though I was insanely unhappy. That voice was all about immediate gratification and avoiding risk and discomfort at all costs. I made it my mission to reprogram that default voice. I started talking to myself more audibly.
My self-talk would honestly sound crazy to anyone that I heard it. I am a full self-empowerment coach now. And I am a mean coach, but that’s what I need. Positive self-talk isn’t about giving yourself constant grace and permission to do anything. Positive self-talk is being self-aware and critical enough to meet yourself where you are and provide yourself with love. Even tough love.
When I wake up, my first thought “Pray.” Then “Get your ass up and drink some water.” I tell myself what to do. Step by step until I get in gear. And when those self-sabotaging thoughts creep in, I argue them down. Some days they still win, but now they won’t without a fight. Start considering how you talk to yourself and how you need to be talked to, and start talking.
Classroom to Corporate 